So there are two reasons why you actually are looking for how to stop obsessing over someone you can’t have.
It could be that you have an anxious attachment type and you are quite literally obsessed with your partner or your crush to the point where it is turning them off and its causing issues in the relationship or you’re trying to get over a failed relationship.
But don’t despair any longer guys because I am here today to give you many ways to stop obsessing over that girl.
So lets dive in…
How to stop obsessing over someone you can’t have: 9 helpful tips to stop obsessing over them
1. Create Physical Distance
You have to remove yourself from this obsession in your life by absolutely avoiding her. Stop hanging out where she hangs out, maybe walk a different route to the office, avoid anything in your home that reminds you of her.
Now as humans we put an attachment on to objects, it’s just one of those things we do. So you have to remove those things in your house that reminds you of her and restrict the amount of obsessive thoughts your brain creates.
Now, that goes without saying that you are still going to think of her but you have restricted how much you can physically see her to aiding your recovery.
If you are in a situation where you cannot create physical distance then you need to limit you contact to something as little as possible.
2. Remove her from social media
You have to remove her as a friend, you have to unfollow and even block if you are finding it so hard to stop thinking about her. Obsession means constantly checking up on her social media feed, seeing what she liked on twitter – so you need to make that big conscious effort to stop checking up on her.
Take some time away from social media for a while because this will really help.
Now, Obsession can easily build into a habit so if you’re already on Facebook , its literally only going to take you a second to tap on her name on your search bar, so take yourself away completely off the app for a while.
3. Focus on your attraction building
Now, I’m not telling you to run out there and start a rebound relationship, lets get that out completely out of the way. I’m telling you to look at yourself and appreciate who you are.
You need to focus on your attractive features and also the things that you’ll like to change about yourself that you can feel more confident.
Take the time to really appreciate that you can choose to remove your focus from her and venture out into the world to find good potential ladies.
Try a new hairstyle or buy a new outfit, something that is going to make you look and feel good. And as soon as you see other women interested in you it will switch your focus away from her and unto other people that are much better for you.
4. Stop overlooking her flaws
We all have them, it is very easy for us to only see a specific person in all of their glory and we think that we are majorly missing out on their awesomeness.
However, they do have flaws and there are many reasons why you two are not a good fit. So it is your job to compile and list reasons of why you don’t like them or things that you don’t like about them in general and what you’ll prefer in a partner.
Add to this list the times that they did things that upset you. Note that this should not be a burn-book kind of list, its mainly just helping you see the actual person and not just their qualities
5. Reach out to your friends
Your friends probably know the full history between you and said person. So really add in their support. Even telling your friends that you are trying to get over her and that you’re finding it super hard will make them help you and to give you some real perspective and bring to your attention that girls flaws and red flags that you never saw.
Your friends will not want to see you suffering on your own, so make sure that you reach out to them when times get tough so that you that find yourself back in that cycle of obsession.
6. Practice Mindfulness
Oh yes! I’m telling you to tap into your mind. And yes! We’re talking about meditation, yoga, energy territory right now .
Obsessive thoughts that are going to cycle around and around and its hard to just stop them – so instead you have to just let them happen and accept that they are there and that’s okay.
Now, mindfulness isn’t new, its been around for centuries and take my word – it is phenomenally easy of a way to collect your thoughts and remind your mind to neutral.
By choice, I use the apps called Calm and headspace literally daily and I cannot recommend them enough.
7. Focus on being yourself again
At times we do feel that we should change our personality – our actions, habits and behaviors so that we become more like that ideal person that we are trying to impress.
We feel that they we be more interested in us and give us more time of their day if we gave them the impression that we like Lord of the rings when really we don’t or that we’re very happy to start a vegan diet when really we don’t.
This is so unhealthy because you’re not being your true amazing self. So this is your homework! Just be your true self.
Embrace what it is you like about you – how you like to dress and who you even like to talk to. Don’t feel that you have to now overcompensate to impress someone.
So, from a deep psychological perspective, you need to actually focus on why you’re trying to change yourself.
Is it because you don’t feel that you are quite good enough? That you don’t deserve that lady therefore you’re obsessed because you think they are much higher in value than you.
You need to stop letting her opinion define who you should be. And remember that you deserve love, respect and you deserve to be with someone even if they don’t understand your hubbies they still appreciate and respect them and enjoy spending time with you.
So stop putting other peoples opinion of yourself over your own opinion of yourself.
8. Explore the reason for your obsession
This one is very tough but it really is a charm, it works so well and if you were unfortunate enough not to have a caring person to call a family, parent or caregiver and you are very likely to repeat the same cycles that happened as you were a kid in an attempt to fix them.
However, any attachment therapist is going to tell you that you can’t fix any attachment wounds by repeating them.
So you might think, I can heal how she maltreated me by just letting her get away with stuff – its not going to work.
Instead, you need to fully understand your own behavior in the relationship and you have to figure out why you are holding on to someone that is not giving you the same feelings back.
9. Find a therapist
With all of these stigma out there about finding a therapist, we kind of feel slightly awkward to even admit to ourselves that we need to embrace more coping skills and I want you to know from heart to heart that I don’t care what your friends and your family will think about you.
If you need to gain some skills that you were never taught before, going into therapy is amazing!
See it as a supermarket, you don’t have something – you buy something – to have it. It’s an amazing decision to do.
Finding a therapist will really help you to understand the reason for your obsession, which drives me to the previous tip.
Now if you do have an attachment trauma – specifically the anxious attachment, talking to a therapist is going to help you unravel those traits that you have, so that you can finally let go of that person.
And sometimes just talking to a therapist that you have trust in (knowing that not going to judge you and they will give you professional advice) is something that will help you to break this cycle of obsession over that girl and understand how to stop obsessing over someone you can’t have.
How to stop obsessing over someone you can’t have: Conclusion
If you were looking for how to stop obsessing over someone you can’t have then I’m pretty sure that if you follow the nine tips discussed above you must have figured out how to stop how to stop obsessing over someone you can’t have.
I talked about taking out time to focus on you, actually valuing yourself and never trying to change because you are afraid of losing her.
If there’s one thing you should know about alpha males is that “alpha males have nothing to hide”. Also take try as much as possible to avoid her, physically and on social media.
It takes discipline to do this but as you know, good things don’t come easy. That was it on how to stop obsessing over someone you can’t have.
Meanwhile, I wrote another post on How to let go of someone you love who doesn’t love you.
I pinpointed 3 things you can start doing to easily navigate through the whole situation and get over her even when she is not interested in a relationship with you.
Remember, sharing is caring.