How to not be clingy in the beginning of a relationship? Ouch! someone’s probably said that you are very needy in a relationship and that really hurts.
It’s a proper stinger but by the end of this post I’m going to give you lots of different ways, some very heavy psychology back tips on how to not be clingy in the beginning of a relationship.
I will walk you through exactly what you need to do in the moment when you feel needy and how you can work on yourself when you’re having a good day.
This is Mansumo.com and keep reading.
How to not be clingy in the beginning of a relationship: 7 Psychological Tips on How to Stop being Needy
1. Be self-aware
Firstly, accepting that you are needy is very important to overcoming the actual issue because without acceptance you can’t really understand how the change will benefit you. An acceptance isn’t just a nod of the head like yeah I get it I’m needy, it’s actually accepting that you are needy and the destructive consequences of your needy actions.
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You need to be able to look at it from an overall perspective and understand how your past relationships didn’t quite turn out how you expected because of your neediness and yes it’s awkward to really accept that but I promise you in time the pain lessens and you will overcome your neediness, providing you just rip off that band-aid.
Self-awareness is the biggest step ahead in your own emotional intelligence and being aware of your own neediness and obviously the reasons why you are needy is brilliant because it means you can focus on your feelings and your actions in the moment of that neediness situation so that you don’t continue to say or do the wrong thing.
2. Build your self-esteem
You have to accept that your anxiety and the fear of the unknown create your needy behavior.
If you lash out in moments of pain in a bit to bring your partner closer well it doesn’t really work does it but I get it in the mind of a needy person in those moments of anxiety and feelings of detachment they need reassurance and that will outweigh everything and so they would do crazy behaviors to gain that closeness from their partner.
For example50 missed calls one after the other stopping by at a partner’s workplace to see them in the office window because they didn’t answer their call, calling up local hospitals and police stations when a partner doesn’t come home on time and yeah these sound pretty crazy and very bizarre but in the mind of a needy person when they have been triggered they are feeling such a major disconnect from their partner they are in crisis mode and they need definitive immediate answers.
So to overcome your neediness for when you are in this terrible anxiety-driven situation you just have to accept the feelings and let them pass.
So you may feel a lot of anxiety I get it, it takes over the whole of your body and all you want to do is get in touch with your partner but you have to learn that your neediness is not actually a form of love so instead you have to fight that urge to adopt the crazy needy behaviors and the actions that come with it and you just have to feel them out and as a previous needy person myself, I can tell you from experience it gets so much easier over time and that anxiety just fades away.
I get it, you want immediate reassurance from your partner and you’re sitting there doing nothing, writing in a journal saying you feel anxious isn’t going to do anything but being in that moment really helps overcome your anxiety.
Calm and head space are two amazing apps that I personally recommend, they help to take your mind into the middle ground where thoughts just come in past without you giving them any attention and this is brilliant for emotional healing because it really can soothe the pain almost instantly in those horrible needy situations.
3. Build trust with your partner
Let’s be real, the real reason that you are clingy is because you have major trust issues, you have literally filled your own head up with the what ifs and what that’s and who is she.
Now if you have no actual valid reason to suspect that your partner is up to no good then you have to accept that you are creating in this issue that is a complete waste of your own time.
Needy partners deep down have a fear of abandonment which could have been created in childhood, they consistently didn’t have their needs met by family members or caregivers and they were frequently letdown so they just presume that they have to literally crawl at people to get what they want, so you need to sit down with your partner, open up, completely allow your partner to understand and to see your own vulnerability will cause you to grow together plus they will want to find their way to help you to give you trust and to comfort you and overall this is going to build your bond.
4. Spend regular time away from your partner
Needy partners always want to completely merge themselves with the other.
They are happy to spend every waking day together but obviously if you do this it’s just not going to work.
A needy person’s actions will do the complete opposite of what they wanted, so hanging out with someone constantly is going to push the partner away.
Having space in a relationship is perfectly healthy and both couples must be able to operate in their own life successfully literally as kind of like single people and then meet back in the middle again and the needy partner rarely has any reason to create distance therefore it’s important that you find a regular outlet away from your partner; a book club, sporting hobby, a fitness class or whatever it is, find something important so you can physically go away from your partner and this allows you to create space but make sure you are doing something that you enjoy.
Now remember you are doing this to train your brain to feel comfortable and supported by your own self when you are on your own, so finding some fun things to do completely away from your partner is a push in the right direction.
5. Just breathe
This kind of seems like a silly tip that I kind of just shoved in to kill sometime but it’s really simple to do so and so effective but here’s the thing so simple that I know you are not actually utilizing your body’s natural stress defense system.
Diaphragm breathing reduces anxiety and it’s the exhale that calms the body and the mind.
So in your moments of fear and desire for contact just take some slow inhales feeling up your lungs and letting your belly sickout and then exhale feeling the weight of your shoulders and sink it .really works I promise!
6. Spend more time with other couples
If you were unfortunate where you grew up in a household surrounded by unhealthy relationships, you probably don’t even know what a healthy relationship actually looks like.
This was me too, I totally get this. So make it your homework to hang out with other couples and observe their behavior.
Take note at how they do their own thing and then come back together and meet in the middle when they realize they want to spend time with each other.
I need you to analyze how they communicate with each other, now a healthy relationship allows both people to just get on with their lives and then return when they want and when a couple breaks away into two separate people living their own lives, handling their own stress, building projects and enjoying themselves and then coming back together again, this is a sign that they are healthy, they are working as a consistent unit.
7. Stop Snooping on Them
You’ve got to stop snooping on them, obsessive behavior is a needy person’s best friend and I know that you are going to be overanalyzing what your partner posts on social media, assessing who does the comments, how many follows they have, who likes the images and trying to spot anyone who could be a potential threat to the relationship and if you are obsessing over their social media or even snooping on their phone well you have to stop this okay.
It’s a violation of privacy and it will destroy the trust that your partner has given you if they found out.
so regardless if you are happy for your partner to go through your phone and messages, it doesn’t mean that you should expect them to do the same and I know crazy but it’s the equivalent of reading someone’s journal or actually spying on someone with hidden CCTV and let me tell you from my heart to yours, you are only torturing yourself when you snoop on your partner.
How to not be clingy in the beginning of a relationship: Conclusion
In this post, I have given you 7 psychological tips on how to not be clingy in the beginning of a relationship.
Remember, Obsession is a needy persons behavior and it communicates low value. If you follow the seven I tips I have given you in this post, you will become more high value and not just enjoy the freedom of not being clingy in the beginning of a relationship but also become respected and honored in work and business.
Remember, sharing is caring.