How to make a shy girl comfortable is a question I get asked a lot by guys who feel that a girl who finds them attractive feels too tensed and acts too carefully around them to a point where it makes it seem as though the guy is the one doing all the work.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say that comfort is a negative emotion for a woman meeting you for the first time to feel, I also wouldn’t say that it helps you much.
Feeling comfortable around a stranger is fine but we tend to associate feelings of comfort with our friends and family which is not the kind of vibe that you want to be giving off to her.
Focus instead on building rapport. So let’s say you’ve met this stunningly gorgeous woman at a coffee shop line and decide that you’re feeling particularly ball that day.
You’re flirting with her, making strong eye contact while playfully commenting on her style of dress.
You can see that she’s potentially becoming interested in you as well, she’s laughing at your jokes asking you questions, trying to push the conversation and smiling at you.
You feel certain that she’s quickly starting to become attracted to you but when you ask her if she’d like to go out on a date with you next week she just blushes and respectfully declines and you’re left feeling really confused.
So let’s examine this! the thing that most guys don’t understand is that no matter how much a woman feels initial attraction towards you she’ll rarely actually do anything with you to take that next step unless she feels like she can trust you.
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If you can build rapport with the woman who’s already attracted to you, truly make her feel safe then it becomes way more likely that she’ll reciprocate your advances.
By building rapport – the feeling that you wouldn’t try to manipulate or take advantage of her you’ll really open up the possibility for her to invest emotionally in you.
So the question is how do you build rapport with a woman from the very start so that this doesn’t happen.
Remember, when you first meet her there is no rapport yet established, you’re a complete stranger to her so how can she trust you ?
It’s your job to build rapport from the very beginning so that she fills enough trust in you to really go with the flow of the interaction.
How to make a shy girl comfortable: 3 Easy Ways
1. Mirror her body language
The first tip to build rapport with women is to mirror her body language. You see humans have what are called mirror neurons in our brains.
This is so that it’s easier for us to understand and relate to each other on an emotional level.
This means that whatever you feel during the interaction she will also feel and vice versa.
Now I want to let you in on a little secret, you as a guy can simulate the feeling of rapport.
Yes !you can choose to feel comfortable, you can go up to a stranger a random woman and feel as though you’ve known her for years.
How do you do this ? well we do it by understanding the situation, by having more social experiences and by having the right attitudes about yourself and about people,
The better you can understand the social situation and how she’s feeling, the more you’ll be able to simulate rapport in this way.
Remember that whatever you feel she will also feel so when you simulate rapport when interacting with her she’ll begin to pick up on this and start feeling rapport as well.
That special trusting connection that she rarely gets to experience with a complete male stranger when it’s earlier on any interaction.
I suggest marrying her body language, if she’s talking fast talk a bit faster, if she is speaking quietly lower your speaking volume as well.
If she’s perhaps a little distant on her phone, you can do the same thing as well.
Mirror the tone of her voice or just a general vibe like if she’s feeling a bit happy or down emulate that too.
What happens when you mirror her body language is that you’re getting on the same frequency as her and then subconsciously she’ll start to feel a connection.
This will be absolutely huge to simulate the feeling of rapport.
2. Avoid formalities
The next key for building rapport and how to make a shy girl comfortable or earn her trust is to avoid formalities.
Imagine the following scenario – you meet a very cute girl at a mutual friend’s birthday party, you’re curious what kind of a person she is so you decide to try flirting with her.
To your pleasant surprise she seems to be contributing to the conversation with an enthusiastic attitude, you two are talking effortlessly and things are going well.
After a few drinks however you start to run out of things to say normally it wouldn’t bother you and you just joke about anything but because you think this girl is someone potentially special you’re afraid of saying something that’ll make her think you weren’t as cool as she thought you were so you start tenting up becoming really serious.
You stop caring about having fun and start focusing more on how she perceives you and not wanting to risk saying something weird or unmanly.
She starts noticing that your demeanor is all of a sudden more serious more politically correct and less fun and spontaneous eventually she’s weirder out by the difference in demeanor and walks away.
The lesson of this story is that when you’re running out of things to say don’t default to behaving like you’re in an interview masking a part of yourself to fit into what’s socially acceptable.
Think about it, not just women but people in general already have to act formal about 40 hours a week at work where they constantly have to monitor their behavior to not risk offending someone.
People whether they admit it or not want to groove around women in particular want to be able to just let go and have some fun the reason why behaving too formal will make women feel uncomfortable is because of what that behavior can imply.
You either take yourself too seriously or you act formal because you’re worried that you’ll offend someone unless you act politically correct which implies that if someone acts informal with you that you might be offended.
Women will be able to sense this and it will stop you from building rapport in a romantic sense so ditch the workplace vibe from Monday to Friday 9:00 to 5:00 only.
The best way to avoid appearing to formal and serious is to just adopt a playful and fun but obviously respectful vibe when interacting with women.
The truth is everyone wants to be able to feel like a kid again, they yearn for the days when they could just say whatever silly thing entered their minds and not be shamed for it the way we are in the adult world.
If you can let her experience this like she’s on a playground again playing tag with a boy that she has a crush on then she will be hooked.
3. Use the power of words
The last tip on building rapport and how to make a shy girl comfortable is using the power of words.
Ask questions and get her to talk about something that she’s passionate about.
I don’t care who you are, everyone has something that they love to talk about.
You can casually bounce around different conversational topics mirroring her body language until you see that sparkle in her eyes and facial expression.
When you hit on a certain subject that is your cue you jump on that thread and ask some meaningful questions about that topic got that strong emotional response.
The key is to not ask her logical questions but to ask her about her feelings about that topic.
For example, how do you feel when you travel to Europe for the first time ? what would you do with your life if you knew you had no chance of failing ? what’s the most amazing thing that you’ve ever experienced in your life and so on and so forth.
Well the key here is to be able to relate with her on an emotional level.
People will naturally feel comfortable and build trust with someone when they talk to that person about their passions.
Never underestimate the power of listening, truly listen to what she’s saying so you can ask her even better questions based on what she’s telling you.
Now make sure that you’re not entering interview mode, between your questions you can throw in a brief comment or opinion on it so that she gets a feeling for your personality.
This will make you so much more relatable, more human to her and that is inherently attractive.
I want to touch on one last thing regarding making a shy girl comfortable through asking meaningful questions.
Never judge her no matter what. There is nothing that will kill rapport faster than her feeling like you’re judging her.
If she starts to get the feeling that you’re a judgmental person she will immediately shut off.
Put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel if you just opened up about this vulnerable story about yourself, about something that you’ve rarely tell anyone and then the person that you’ve made yourself so vulnerable to just throw that back in your face and judges you for it.
How upset, betrayed would you feel ? so never judge her for whatever she has to say.
I hope you enjoyed this blog post. Meanwhile I wrote another blog post where I show you How to know if a girl is comfortable with you. In this post, I point out 15 signs a girl will display if she is comfortable with you.
Having this knowledge in your game arsenal will put you ahead of the pack of the other guys who are ignorant of this subtle signals.
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