When it comes to how to get your ex back when you still live together, it’s very important to act as cool and assertive and as calm and collected as you can.
A lot of us instinctively want to act really sad because we think guilt is going to make them regret their decision.
Listen guilt is a very powerful tool for a very limited window. It might make them feel sorry for you, it might make them feel mad at themselves temporarily.
They’ll get over It, guilt isn’t powerful enough of an emotion to rectify a relationship long-term.
How to get your ex back when you still live together: Introduction
To get your ex back when you still live together, work with them or have kids with someone then you should maintain a very professional exterior.
It seems a little cold, it probably would come off as little bit half-hearted but what you want to appear like you’re having more of a business relationship.
You want to be a little standoffish. This doesn’t mean that you’ve become rude or that you act like a jerk or anything like that instead you just act a little bit standoffish.
So, instead of indulging in a conversation, you simply don’t. You talk about the things that are necessary to talk about and you talk about them pleasantly and this is very powerful because it’s so easy when people get broken up with to be resentful, to be bitter and to be vindictive and that kind of behavior is not attractive.
But if you can be pleasant and standoffish at the sometime it’s a powerful combination. So might go like this, if I’m working with a girl that has just dumped me and I want to get her back, I might say hey I need that such-and-such by Thursday for the whatever and then leave it.
If she approaches me then you be much focused, your contact and your interaction is intentional, standoffish and pleasant.
If you’re willing to do it, what you’ll find is that they become increasingly curious because you’re not being angry, you’re not being vindictive, you’re being standoffish.
That shows strength, hit shows non neediness and it also arouses their curiosity. The begin to ask “why is he acting like this without having the emotional power of anger?”.
The fact is is that so often people are unable to act distant without the motivating power of a negative emotion like anger, resentment or bitterness.
To be able to pull this off without those things is rare and it gets attention. So if you live with, work with, have kids with keep with your ex and you want to get them back, keep your interaction with them professional standoffish and pleasant.
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Doing so will arouse their curiosity, show that you are strong and be a source of attraction then when they start saying why are you acting like this then you just play dumb acting like “what ? we’re just talking about… yeah but you’re not acting the same…as what…well you know we used to… well we’re not, that’s not us anymore”.
You see what you’re doing here; you’re taking the things that they’ve done (because they were the one that broke up) and putting it back in their lap so that they feel the weight of it.
So often people who end up breaking up with us, the person that does the dumping doesn’t ever feel a weight of the irresponsibility because we end up chasing them and they don’t get to feel what it feels like to be without us.
How to get your ex back when you still live together: 3 Simple Steps
Even if they take you back it’ll happen again, I say that because guilt isn’t change.
Be as tough as you can
So if you area round your ex all the time you need to be as tough as you can, you need to look good, you have to smile, feel good, go to the gym and let your ex know that they do not define your sense of happiness, that no one will rob that from you.
You make it for yourself. Not only is that going to show your ex that you can stand on your own two feet, it’s a really attractive quality.
Your ex is going to find it sexy to watch you be confident and not watch you be down the dumps and gloomy about the relationship.
I know again it might sound counterintuitive, sometimes we want our exes to feel horrible, we also might want them to come to our rescue.
We want them to say look at me I’m hurting, how are you not trying to help me right now.
Remember, you guys broke up it’s not their responsibility to help you anymore and if they do it’s going to be more so out of feeling sorry for you than out of actually wanting to help you and you don’t want to be with someone like that.
What’s the point ? You want to be in that equal loving respectful relationship – that is the goal.
I would encourage you to be as calm and cool and collected as you can. If your ex approaches you, be polite do not be rude.
I would encourage you really to just be busy. What that means is hey how you are? yeah thank you so much, listen I’m actually going to go sit with my friends at the table I’m glad to see, you’re doing well have a good one, boom!
Don’t linger! A lot of the time we are so happy that they’re talking to us and we try to keep the conversation going.
Oh I’m doing well, well how are you? Oh how was your weekend? Oh what do you have planned for the upcoming holiday? No!
Let them know that you don’t need to speak with them, you don’t need to keep in contact with them, you are okay without them in your life just the way you were okay before they got into it.
Don’t make it sound as though they are the epicenter of your universe. That’s only going to empower them and take power away from you.
If you want to reverse these rules then you got to stand up tall be super busy, driven, purposeful in the way in which you behave and that’s going to be the best way to optimize it.
Don’t Act Rude
I would never be rude because if you want to get back with them later, even if you don’t behave in a way that you would like to remember.
You don’t want to behave and frustrate them and generate animosity between the two of you because trust me that is way harder to fix later on.
If you behave calm, cool, I keep saying the same words calm, cool and collected but anyway if you make sure to kind of keep it even keeled it’s going to be way easier to rectify this in the future, trust me.
And a lot of what I want you to focus on right now is to pave the way for that future.
If you want to get your ex back start working on it now doesn’t wait till later. Every move you make right now can be critical in determining your likelihood at materializing that dream, that vision, that desire.
How to get your ex back when you still live together: Conclusion
So if you want to get back with your ex put this in your head – don’t linger, don’t be guilt-full, don’t be sad, don’t be down on the dumps, be strong, be attractive, be assertiveness.
It is attractive seeing someone who has their stuff together, that is attractive. So, remember what attracted them to you in the first place?
Was it you sitting feeling sorry for yourself or was it you pepping yourself, feeling good, looking good, behaving well, that’s likely what got them in the first place.
Meanwhile, I wrote another blog post where I go over what to do when your Girlfriend says she needs space and time to think.
If you hear those words from a woman don’t look at it as a bad thing because it’s not a bad thing. You simply just have to follow the 6 steps I outlined in this post to figure out what the future holds for the both of you. Go check it out.